Lovely Life

Posted on May 21, 2012 by Sheila@Momfessions

Life is really lovely, isn’t it?

Sometimes I get into such a funk and it’s hard to enjoy life’s loveliness. Of course, we are broken people living in a broken world…

But when I slow down and look around, it doesn’t take long to find the loveliness again.

A friend recently shared about how she wanted to stop talking about how busy she is. Something about what she was saying resonated deep in my soul.

I hate the I’m-busier, I’m-tireder, I-have-more-going-on game that we all seem to play with each other.

As I think about it, Scriptures come to mind– about resting and being still. So opposite of the hustle and bustle we act like we love so much.

In repentance and rest you will be saved,

In quietness and trust is your strength. (Isaiah 30:15)

Cease striving and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. (Psalm 46:10)

So I’m stopping.

When asked about how I’m doing or how my life is going, I do not want to answer “Ugh, I am so busy!”, or, “I’m just really tired.”

Because who isn’t?

I’d rather tell about how good the Lord has been to me. Or how joyful I feel. Or how I have seen something super beautiful in creation.

Or what I have been reading and learning in the Bible and prayer.

Because life really is lovely, ya know?

And it’s so lovely to be alive.

Mommy Failure

Posted on May 1, 2012 by Sheila@Momfessions

Only a thin sliver of orange is visible as the sun dips below the hill I can see from my apartment’s balcony. I sigh, thankful that this day is over. Only a few more minutes and I can tuck little bodies clad in mis-matched pajama tops and bottoms into their beds.

It hasn’t been a good day. I said not to throw it again, and he threw it one more time. I asked her to be quiet and rest and she woke both her sleeping brothers. I told him not to play in his milk, and he did a milk mustache anyways. I stepped on a toy. I yelled because I was mad. Dinner was a mess of leftovers and random bits of food pulled from fridge and tossed onto plates because Hubby was gone and I was done. Baths were quick and un-playful. He got back into the bathtub with his pajamas on (twice!!!) The toys never did get picked up.

Even typing, I’m amazed at how small it all feels. Honestly, tomorrow when the kids pop out of bed at 7am and start asking for Cheerios and cartoons, today will become a distant memory as we begin again. Motherhood is this constant cycle– feed them, read to them, dress them, wipe them, give them, listen to them, wash them, laugh at them, humor them, play with them, explain to them, discipline them, teach them, and sometimes it doesn’t feel like a gift. It feels like a burden.

I am thankful for the book I finished two days ago, Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches by Rachel Jankovic. It is short, but full of powerful thoughts as she (a fellow mom in the trenches) points to Christ in the midst of the daily motherhood grind.

“Blessings, like children, are not ethereal and weightless. Sometimes they feel like they come at you like a Kansas hail storm—they might leave a welt! But if you accept your lot and rejoice in your toil, God will give you the kind of overwhelming joy that cannot remember the details. Motherhood is hard work. It is repetitive and often times menial. Accept it. Rejoice in it. This is your toil. Right here. Those are their faces. Enjoy them. The days of your life are supposed to be full of things like this. But joy is not giddy. It is not an emotional rush—it is what happens when you accept your lot and rejoice in your toil. So rejoice in your children. Look them in the eyes and give thanks. You will not even remember the work of all this planting when the harvest of joy overwhelms you.”

It was a blessing today to have these thoughts come to mind as the dishes piled up, the floors got stickier, and the chaos swelled to unbearable levels. This is a gift. And I accept it– dirty diapers, runny noses, sinful hearts and all.

*Link is an Amazon affiliate link.

I Found a Booger just now

Posted on April 27, 2012 by Sheila@Momfessions

Both my boys are pretty snotty with allergy gunk, so there’s no telling who this boogy came from…

Isn’t motherhood a glamorous gig?

Snort

Adoption Momfession

Posted on April 26, 2012 by Sheila@Momfessions

Our home study is tomorrow and I have bitten all the white off my finger nails.

Anxious (and gross) much?!

It’s like I’m fully expecting him to say, “You people do not deserve another precious baby– you aren’t even good parents to the three you have!” ‘Cause I know the truth– this is a tough job, and I’m not a perfect parent. By a long stretch.

Sometimes (more than I would like to admit) I yell at my kids. And I set bad behavior examples for them all the time (being selfish, being proud, gossiping, judging, being jealous…) And I feed them more peanut butter and jelly and hot dogs than any human should consume. And sometimes I let them skip taking a bath (I do make them change their underwear though.) And I don’t make them wear matching clothes out of the house. And some days I play on Facebook instead of playing with them. And I let them eat ice cream more than they should because then I can eat ice cream without having to share mine.

I guess my deepest fear is that our social worker will call out my junk and say we aren’t worthy of adoption. I know I don’t deserve the honor of raising another kid– heck, I don’t deserve the honor of raising the three I have now!

So, here we go. We’re jumping into the great deep unknown of home studies and dossiers and international mail. And I don’t even have any fingernails to claw my way out.

He Will surely Do It!

Posted on April 25, 2012 by Sheila@Momfessions

A few weeks ago I was tucking my three-year-old son into bed. After brushing my lips against his baby soft forehead and turning toward the door, I heard his sweet voice, “Mommy, when is Baby Sister coming?” My heart skipped a beat at the precious question—there is not a baby in my belly as one might assume from his question. He was asking about Baby Sister who we’ve been talking about for over a year now. Baby Sister won’t have my husband’s eye color or my same skin tone. She won’t be mistaken for a “twin” like our three biological back-to-back, look-alike kids are… Continue reading

*This is an excerpt from a guest post I wrote at Prayer of Hannah.

::Link Love::

Posted on April 12, 2012 by Sheila@Momfessions

{The Secret Sterlization of Women in Uzbekistan}

Absolutely heart-wrenching. It’s so easy if you live in the West to pretend the whole world is OK and atrocities against humans don’t happen anymore… not true. Eye opening article.

{Marriage is for Losers}

Love this. Want to seek to be more of a “loser” in my marriage.

{50 Ways to Inspire your Husband}

Yes. Need to work on this…

{31 Days of Praying for your Husband}

Again, yes. I need to work on this…

{Why the World will never See Me as a good Parent}

Most days it feels like an uphill battle to disengage my parenting from “culture” and try to be biblical in the way I teach and relate to my children. It’s good to remember my goal is not for the world to think I am a good parent (whatever that means to them!) but to point my children to Christ.

{Confessions of a Routine-Loving Mother}

This.is.so.me. Just letting go and playing with my children (not directing their play or encouraging their independent play) is SO hard for me.

{The Littleness of Motherhood}

Such a good reminder why the “little things” are actually big things that matter very much!

{Contentment}

If you live overseas, this is a great read! Ten years from now when I look at my life now, I will probably not remember all the little things that got under my skin and irritated me about living overseas– I will remember the good things, the fun things, the memorable things.

{Why the City is a wonderful Place to Raise Children}
Such encouragement for those of us seeking to raise kids in big cities!

The Ransom is Paid!

Posted on April 8, 2012 by Sheila@Momfessions

I’ve had so many thoughts stirring in my head as Easter has approached this year. In light of our earthly adoption process, I’ve been thinking about my adoption by God.

Let’s be honest for a minute– international adoption is expensive. Like really, really expensive. No agency can tell you up front exactly how much you will pay during an international adoption. If adopting, you sign (many!) forms agreeing to the amount you will pay for each part of the adoption process, and saying you understand that there will be “extra expenses” and they are solely your responsibility. At my bare minimum projections we will spend over $20,000 when it’s all said and done and Lovebug is at home with our family.

That’s a crazy lot of money. It’s a great debt we will gladly pay to ransom our daughter from a life void of hope. Without paying this money, Lovebug would remain in her current state– family-less– indefinitely. We have to pay the debt required in order to be able to bring her home and call her ours.

At Easter, we remember a similar ransom that was paid a long time ago. You see, I was lost in sin and utter darkness. I was an enemy of God. I was an orphan in the world- without hope, without love. But Someone came and gave even more than $20,000 as a ransom for me. He gave His life.

As His blood– His pure, precious blood spilled down over rough wood and pooled at the foot of a Roman cross, my adoption fee was paid in full.

Without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sin. Without payment, there is no adoption into God’s family. Without great cost, there is no salvation for the lost. Without the debt being erased, there is no redemption from the old life. Without Jesus, there is no hope for the future.

The mystery of the cross I cannot comprehend
The agonies of Calvary
You the perfect Holy One, crushed Your Son
Who drank the bitter cup reserved for me

Your blood has washed away my sin
Jesus, thank You
The Father’s wrath completely satisfied
Jesus, thank You
Once Your enemy, now seated at Your table
Jesus, thank You

By Your perfect sacrifice I’ve been brought near
Your enemy You’ve made Your friend
Pouring out the riches of Your glorious grace
Your mercy and Your kindness know no end

(Jesus, Thank You by Pat Sczebel)

He paid the price to redeem my soul and then He conquered death! He died to bring us life! That is the sobering, awesome, gruesome, blessed hope of Easter. Praise the Lord.

The very good very bad Day

Posted on April 6, 2012 by Sheila@Momfessions

It’s Good Friday. But it all started with Bad Friday.

Jesus knew it would be a bad day.

“Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him.And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

He was mistreated and slandered.

The chief priests and the scribes stood by, vehemently accusing him.And Herod with his soldiers treated him with contempt and mocked him.

He was completely innocent, but He was numbered among transgressors– hanging between two who deserved their punishment.

…he poured out his soul to death and was numbered with the transgressors…Two others, who were criminals, were led away to be put to death with him. And when they came to the place that is called The Skull, there they crucified him, and the criminals, one on his right and one on his left.

He struggled for breath for more than three hours as darkness covered the face of the earth. Creation watched, breathless, as Jesus breathed his last and surrendered His soul.

Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land until the ninth hour. Then Jesus, calling out with a loud voice, said,“Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!” And having said this he breathed his last.

But this was no ordinary death.

And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split. When the centurion and those who were with him, keeping watch over Jesus, saw the earthquake and what took place, they were filled with awe and said, “Truly this was the Son of God!”

And He was buried in a cave-like tomb as some of His loved ones watched.

And Joseph bought a linen shroud, and taking him down, wrapped him in the linen shroud and laid him in a tomb that had been cut out of the rock. And he rolled a stone against the entrance of the tomb. Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of Jesus saw where he was laid.

But the story doesn’t end there…

{Quotations taken from the ESV version of the Bible from Luke 22, 23, Isaiah 53, Matthew 27, Mark 15}

Outtakes

Posted on April 4, 2012 by Sheila@Momfessions

Big as Mommy?

Posted on April 3, 2012 by Sheila@Momfessions

Seriously, is that a fat joke?

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