I thought I’d dish up a little post and throw it back to October when I last posted– in the middle of the 30 Days blogging challenge I didn’t finish. Oops.
I attended a homeschool conference (BY. MYSELF. GLORY.) in mid-October and it was exactly the encouragement and push I needed. I had been schooling Ladybug and Stinkbug for a few months at that point and it still felt like a crazy juggling game to jump from Kindergarten reading to Second Grade math and back and forth and leap frog all over the curriculum map. I was exhausted and felt like I had no idea what I was doing. (So much for that $26,000 degree in Elementary Ed, I guess!)
I really needed to hear those speakers tell me to major on the majors and minor in the minors. Get the reading and the math done and it’s OK if that’s all we get to in a day. Relax and enjoy these moments with my little ones. I am thankful for that week, I came back with fresh perspective in my heart and Jenga in my bag for the kids. :)
Every year I feel like I’m on a roller coaster in October– click, click, clicking to the top and then WOOOOOOOOSH it’s holidays and busy times and visitors and cold weather and before I know it, I’m packing Christmas ornaments between layers of paper towels to be stacked in our tiny little apartment closet.
Even now, I think I forgot to get off the ride because HOW IN THE WORLD IS IT APRIL 9TH?!
Our attentions have been pretty adoption focused so far in 2015, as we glimpsed a new sweet face on our agency’s waiting child list in December and we were unofficially matched with a sweet little girl in eastern Europe! We’ve updated our homestudy and our USCIS clearance and waiting, waiting, waiting to hear that we are finally able to go and meet her! On February 4 we hit four years since we said yes in our hearts to this journey, so it feels amazing (and also agonizing!) to feel like the end is coming.
Well, that’s about it for life from October until now– home school, holidays, adoption, cooking food for my kids to complain about, and always… mountains of laundry.
Dear Jet Plane,
Please take me home. I miss my people.
You need to shape up! I mean that literally and figuratively, I’d love you to flatten down and get some definition, but right now I mostly mean that I have one more day at an all-inclusive resort for this conference and I’d like to eat, drink (Pepsi with flavored syrup added, yum!), and be merry. Instead you have me sitting, laying under the covers, and sipping only Sprite. Boo. Let’s get our act together, shall we?
Thanks a ton,
Dear My Babies in Heaven,
My miscarriages were some of the most painful moments of my life– desiring so badly to give you life and being unable to do anything except bleed and cry, feeling helpless. I ached for you then and that dull ache of loss remains a part of me as long as I am in this broken body.
I don’t know why I wasn’t able to hold you, but through my losses I took such comfort in Deuteronomy 29:29– the secret things belong to The Lord. Tucked inside my womb for only a few short weeks, you two were my secret things. Your tiny little bodies almost invisible to the human eye, but eternally significant to the Creator of life. To trust that you belonged to The Lord brought me unspeakable peace. He saw you, He knew you, He cared for you because He created you.
I’m sorry I could never hold your hand or kiss your face or tickle your tummy. Please know I loved you, I loved you from the very moment I knew you were there. Your days, although few, were marked with smiles and plans for the future and anticipation and joy.
I don’t pretend to know how heaven will work when I get there, but I hope I can glimpse your sweet faces there as we worship our risen Savior– the one who will wipe every tear from our eyes and will fully redeem that which was broken and lost here on earth.
I love you to the moon and back,
Dear Quiet Hotel Room,
You know that scene in Date Night when Tina Fey is flipping out to her husband (Steve Carrell) and she says she just wants to be alone in a quiet hotel room with no one touching her drinking her Diet Sprite and eating her lunch in peace?
Yes, that is currently happening for me, and I’m so happy to be getting to know you. Except my Sprite tonight was not diet and had strawberry syrup in it, which yes, I realize is probably chock-full of High Fructose Corn Syrup. Deeeelicious.
You are exactly as great as Tina made you sound… So quiet. So clean. So peaceful. So quiet. (Wait, did I say quiet twice? That’s because it is REALLY quiet.)
Thankful we’re together this week,
You’re kicking sorta kicking my tail this year. I love learning with my children, coaching them as they try new things, encouraging them when it’s tough, and celebrating their victories right alongside them. But figuring out how to make you work with two different kids and two different grade levels and other life things happening and demanding my attention, whew. I’m beat.
I’m thankful you’re so flexible. For the mornings when we need a family sanity day and we stay in pajamas and eat pancakes and watch a newly released movie with the curtains drawn, your ability to bend and stretch to fit our needs is extremely likable.
But the (possibly imagined?) demands you place on me make me feel like I can’t catch my breath sometimes. You are a heavy burden as I seek to educate my children– to emphasize in the right places and teach enough concepts and exhort them to learn for themselves and to push them far enough without breaking their little spirits… You’re a continuously evolving puzzle to me.
I’m heading to a conference this week all about you, and like marriage counseling for a struggling couple, I hope we can get some new perspective together so that I’m ready to jump back into you with both feet next week, with a smile on my face behind a ginormous cup full of hot coffee. But no jean jumpers for me, I’m sorry I just can’t go there.
Dear Sleeping In Until Almost 10am,
It’s been a while since we were together, it’s a hazard of having young kids who wake up at o’ dark thirty no matter what. Seriously, we sing the Days of the Week song but they don’t seem to get that Saturdays and Sundays are SPECIAL because SLEEP!
But they are getting older now and we’ve been training them to turn on Disney DVDs and pour their own cereal, all in preparation for you to come and stay with us on the weekends. You know, parenting priorities. (Or maybe #parentsoftheyear better fits here.)
So, it was beyond amazing to see you this morning! Thanks for dropping in for a visit this morning.
See you soon, I hope! (I’m free next Sunday too!)